07Aug How to cook a lobster..

And make your 5 year old cry.

Did you ever watch the Simpsons episode where Homer accidentally cooks his pet lobster by giving it a warm bath? Yeah it was like that. Here is how it went down:

It was Saturday morning and Kristin and I were watching TV. Watching Hells Kitchen in fact where the chefs (can we really call them that?) that lost the competition were forced to shuck about 100 crabs. Kristin loved it and wanted something to do about it.

So I offered to buy a lobster the next day and we could cook it. Kind of a family crustacean killing moment you know? So the next morning we were off to the one place you know you can get quality lobster: Wal-Mart.

Well I needed Lobster, a pool pump, some beer, some milk and a rubber ducky, so Wal-Mart made more sense than AJ’s. We arrived and picked up all the other items first. Then we made it to the lobster tank. I made Kristin pick out the lobster she wanted (to kill and eat) and she did. I took the following photo of her delight:

Weighed in at just over 2.5 lbs it was about $35 for the beast. Turns out we had some extra luggage that I didn’t want to pay for, but that comes in a bit. The nice lady from Wal-Mart bagged and tagged our catch and iced it up and we were off. A suggestion to anyone reading this as “how to get lobster WITHOUT making your 5 year old cry” – have Wal-Mart steam the lobster for you at this point.

We had a cold live lobster to take home. When we arrived home I got our largest pot – it is rather large, and started the water boiling. I figured that being a salt water animal I should boiled salt water. I then took the lobster out of the bag and inspected the beast. I called everyone into the kitchen to check out the “catch”. It was a huge thing and just angry looking. Carol, Kristin and I were all in the kitchen checking this thing out as I turned her over to notice thousands of eggs nested in the tail.

I told them both and the mood turned somber. Then I touched the eggs and the lobster started violently flapping its tail – “whack! Whack!” it went. Kristin and Carol were scared to death.

Carol was mad and Kristin nearly crying. She was torn between the babies that wouldn’t be and the delicious lobster. I quickly placed the lobster back into the bag and covered it with ice.

After the water boiled we needed to make a decision and I was hungry. I asked Kristin to name the lobster and she name him (yes him) “Lobster” and hid. You would think the death would be pretty quick, but it isn’t. Lobster writhed in the hot water and generally didn’t seem to like it too much. He tried to get out with all of his might. I was pinched in the process! Well I was pinched by the tongs I was using, but it still hurts as I write this.

Lobster cooked for the requisite 18 minutes as we also boiled another two tails from some noticeably smaller lobsters in another pot. I drained the pot and disposed of the carapace and retrieved the meat from the rest of the animal.

Kristin loved the meat and didn’t sniffle once. It was delicious, but something I probably won’t do again. It was sad.